It had been five months since Caroline’s granddaughter had come to live with her.
Now, Leah was asleep on the sofa, having drifted off while watching one of Caroline’s soap operas. She was lightly snoring, bundled up under a woollen blanket with her hot chocolate still steaming on the coffee table. Caroline smoothed Leah’s red hair back from her face, observing her peaceful sleeping expression with relief.
Leah had come to depend on Caroline ever since she suffered the loss of her husband. They had been childhood sweethearts, Leah and Harry, and Leah wasn’t used to doing things on her own. They had been a unit for most of her life, and it had been terribly difficult for her to adjust to his absence.
His twenty-eighth birthday had just passed. They had visited his grave together and laid a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers at his headstone. It had been hard to get them at this time of year, when one’s breath was like white steam on the crisp, chill air, but Leah had been insistent that only sunflowers would do. They had been his favourite flowers, after all.
Caroline had understood. She was no stranger to loss. Her husband of seventy years wasn’t the first to have her heart.
As she gazed out at the snow-covered hedgerows of her front garden, Caroline’s mind wandered to the white streets of her hometown.
***
She had always loved it there in the wintertime, when the lamplight would make the settled snow shine gold.
On one particularly cold night, when Caroline was trotting to keep up with her older sister on her way to the dance hall, she passed a group of smartly dressed young men outside.
At first, Caroline didn’t spare them a moment of her time. Barbara was setting quite the pace, and Caroline had to almost jog to stay arm-in-arm with her. Barbara was a bag of nerves, excited to meet with her new beau. She was far too distracted by her reflection in the compact mirror to pay Caroline’s panting any mind, muttering to herself about the unflattering lipstick she’d swiped from their mother’s dressing table.
Caroline only glanced their way for a moment, observing four tall young men with slicked back hair joking together by the entrance to the hall. She looked away fairly quickly, keeping her eyes trained on her feet, trying to keep her balance on the slippery pavement. The snow here had been packed down by the boots of workers and the shoes of other merrymakers, making some areas dreadfully icy.
But she heard a distinctive laugh, and her eyes went back to the young men waiting by the door. She was certain that she hadn’t heard someone laugh quite like that in all her life. It was unfiltered, unimpeachable joy. Even his voice, a rough, Scottish brogue, had a cheerful lilt. Caroline’s eyes sought out his face, and she assessed him as she approached.
She hadn’t seen him around before. She rather thought she would have remembered a face like his. He had dark eyes, a strong brow and long lashes, but it was his charmingly lopsided smile that Caroline could never quite forget.
Their gazes locked for a split moment. Caroline wasn’t brave enough to hold it any longer; she turned and dipped her head, her face burning crimson. Her only relief was that Barbara was too preoccupied with fixing her makeup to see the pink blotches over her cheeks or hear the pounding of her heart. She couldn’t bear being teased like a child in front of someone so handsome.
But her good luck wasn’t to last. All too aware of his gaze, she slipped, and sent both herself and Barbara sailing down to the pavement. Barbara let out such a shriek that everyone was called to attention.
He was the first to come to their aid, crouching beside Caroline to ask, “are you hurt anywhere?”
Caroline was only wounded by a bruised ego. She shook her head, and allowed him to help her back to her feet. He hesitated, his strong hand warm on her elbow, before he turned his attention to Barbara, who was already being helped up by another gentleman. Caroline was quite unable to find her words to apologise to her sister or thank the attractive stranger for his quick thinking.
Barbara clambered to her feet, brushing off the fur coat she’d smuggled from their mother’s closet. He leaned to pick up her compact mirror and presented it to her with a flourish. Noticing his good looks, she thanked him with her signature stunning smile, patting down a few stray brunette hairs from her pompadour.
Caroline couldn’t help but bristle at her sister’s easy charm. Even with her own red hair trained into pin curls, Caroline couldn’t help but feel out of place next to her glamorous sister.
But he didn’t give her much more of his attention. To Caroline’s amazement, he turned back to her, unabashedly meeting her gaze.
“It looked as though you fell rather hard,” he said, “I ought to keep an eye on you, to make sure you’re alright.” When Caroline just stared at him, stunned, he added, “If that’s agreeable.”
Caroline found it more than agreeable, but she only nodded, feeling her cheeks blaze with embarrassment. He offered her his arm, and Caroline cautiously accepted. As he led the way into the dance hall, Caroline cast a glance over her shoulder and saw her sister beaming from ear to ear, eagerly shooing her into the hall with him.
She suppressed her own answering grin.
They proceeded inside. The live band was loud and brash, and the hall was buzzing with jovial calls and laughter. Without thinking, Caroline tightened her grip on his arm, stepping closer into his side. She had always been shy, ever since she was a babe, and big events like the annual winter dance both excited and unnerved her.
If he did notice, he didn’t comment on it. Instead, once they had moved from the foyer into the hall, he guided her over to one of the tables at the side and pulled out a chair for her. He presented her seat to her with a grand flourish and a lopsided grin, and a giggle bubbled up from Caroline’s lips as she settled down.
As he stretched back to his full height, he suddenly had an epiphany and slapped his forehead. “Oh! I forgot my manners.” He leaned in close so that she could hear his voice over the music. “My name is Robert, Robert Dowden.” He held out a hand to her.
“Caroline. It’s a pleasure.” She took his hand, expecting a handshake.
“Believe me, the pleasure is all mine.” He lifted her hand and lightly kissed her knuckles. Caroline could feel herself colour. He was both endearingly boyish and dangerously debonair - how could such a combination be possible?
“And that was my sister, Barbara.” Caroline said, extending her arm towards where Barbara was shrugging off her coat across the dancefloor, aided by her new boyfriend. She expected Robert to glance over and do a double-take, suddenly rendered speechless by Barbara’s beauty. After all, he probably didn’t get a good look at her in the dim lamplight, and she was well-known in town for her grace and loveliness.
He didn’t. He kept his dark eyes on Caroline, his lips held in a crooked smile. “It was nice to meet her.” He said, though he didn’t even glance in her direction.
Caroline cleared her throat. She was feeling rather warm.
She'd never been quite so flustered around any other man before. Then again, the only unrelated young men in her life were the local boys she's grown up with, who treated her much like a younger sister, or just a plain nuisance.
They weren't like Robert. Caroline was keenly aware of the difference.
“Are you local?” He took a seat and pulled it so close that their knees were almost touching.
Caroline was certain that her voice came out as a squeak when she replied, “yes.”
He smiled. “Wiltshire born and bred?”
He was trying to make conversation, and of course she knew that, but again, she could only manage a short and sweet “yes.”
“I'm from Glasgow.” He replied, undeterred. “Have you ever been up to Scotland?”
“No,” Caroline replied, then forced herself to add, “I haven't stepped a foot outside of England.”
“It's beautiful.” He said. “You should see it someday.”
Caroline braved a question of her own. “What brings you here?”
“My mum remarried and moved to Trowbridge.” He said, matter-of-factly. “We’ve been here about a year.”
Caroline wanted to ask about his father, but thought better of it. Perhaps, like hers, he had been lost in the War.
“Do you work nearby?” She asked, instead.
“I work at the Prewetts’ farm.” He replied. She could see now that it was obvious what he did for a living. His shoulders were broad, his arms were wide and even in the dead of winter, he still had a tan. “What about you? Do you have a job?”
“I help out Barbara sometimes.” Caroline replied. “She’s a seamstress, you see. I’m not as good, but I’ve always enjoyed sewing.” She allowed herself a rare boast as she arranged her skirt around her. “I sewed this dress by myself.”
He grinned. “It’s rather lovely.”
She basked in his praise, feeling herself reply with a smile of her own. She was finally starting to relax. “Thank you.”
“Perhaps we should see it in action.” He inclined his head towards the dancefloor.
“Would you like to dance?”
Caroline watched the spinning couples. In truth, Caroline hadn’t danced in public before, and she really didn’t want to embarrass herself in front of Robert for the second time that evening. She had only practised some swing dancing with Barbara a couple of times in the living room, with the radio turned up as loud as their mother would allow before she started complaining on the neighbours’ behalf.
Yet when would she get another chance to dance with a man as fine as Robert?
“I’m afraid I’m not a very good dancer,” she confessed, “but I would love to.”
He stretched to his feet and extended a hand to her. “I think you’re being much too modest.”
Flattered, she took his hand and followed his lead to the dancefloor. She saw Barbara staring at them both with her eyes bright and mouth wide open, both surprised and delighted to see her sister finally make her dancing debut.
Robert confidently took his place among the other dancers. Keeping her hand in his, he led Caroline in an energetic routine. She did her best to match his enthusiasm and follow his steps, but it was glaringly obvious that Robert was a far more accomplished dancer. He jived effortlessly, leaving Caroline panting in his wake.
She was grateful that the song came to an end quickly. Everyone turned to clap politely to the band, and Caroline took the opportunity to recover her breath before the music restarted.
The next song was much slower, and the couples around them moved into hold. She was relieved that she didn’t have to hop around to keep up with Robert’s pace, but she found her heart beating hard for an entirely different reason. After all, their faces would only be inches away, and his strong arms would be laced around her. She’d never been quite so intimate with a man before. She felt shy and awkward once again.
He took her in hold, and she didn’t realise she had stopped breathing until he laughed at her startled face.
“Are you quite all right?” He asked, concerned despite his amusement.
“Yes, I’m fine.” She said. “Just… well…”
“We don’t have to dance if you-”
“No, I want to.” She interrupted. She felt her cheeks burn at the desperate edge to her voice. “I’ve just… I’ve never danced with anyone before. Like this.”
He found her endearing. His soft smile and crinkled eyes said as much. Caroline might have found it patronising had he not been quite so handsome. “Then I’ll teach you.”
He twirled her around the dancefloor with the most wonderful ease. Caroline’s worries soon vanished. Even if she did step on his toes and try to turn the wrong way a good few times, he reacted with such good humour that she soon found herself giggling along with him. Their waltz wasn’t faultless by ballroom standards of course, but Caroline felt like it was perfect all the same.
They danced together the whole evening, until Caroline spotted Barbara waiting by the entrance, already wrapped up in fur and tapping her wristwatch urgently. Caroline glanced at her own watch and jolted with a gasp. They had to get back before their mother returned from her shift at the pub, and there were now only ten minutes left before she finished work.
“What is it?” Robert asked, alarmed by her expression. “Are you hurt?”
“No, but I will be if I don’t get home now.” She broke away from him and rushed to Barbara, who was agitatedly shifting her weight, impatient to get going. Robert followed after her with long, comfortable strides.
“Then allow me to walk you and your sister home.” He said.
Although she admired his chivalry, she shook her head. “That’s quite all right, thank you.”
Nevertheless, he followed her the rest of the way across the dancefloor and towards Barbara, who was chomping at the bit by this point.
Despite her agitation, she still made an effort to greet him with a polite, “how do you do, it’s lovely to meet you.” She rushed to get her words out as she looped her arm around Caroline’s and ferried her towards the exit. “We must be getting home now. Please excuse us.”
Barbara marched outside with purpose, practically dragging Caroline with her. Robert easily kept pace with them, ambling alongside them as though he was simply taking a leisurely stroll. The illusion was rather ruined by his expression of worry.
“Will I see you again?” He asked, searching Caroline’s face.
She met his gaze. “Yes.”
He slowed to a stop, but Barbara pressed on. She had no time for such a romantic scene when the threat of her mother’s wrath hung heavy over her head.
Caroline called back to him over her shoulder. “I’ll meet you in the park tomorrow at eleven.”
He didn’t reply, but called after her, “go careful!”
She didn’t even think that he might be hard at work on the farm at that time of morning until much later, when she lay in bed recounting the events of that evening. She smacked her forehead and screwed up her face. How silly of her!
She turned over and sighed. She doubted he’d be able to make it.
But the next morning, she went out for a walk around town and decided to stop by the park, just in case. And he was there, waiting for her, with a small posy of Christmas roses.
***
Caroline was roused from her reverie as Leah propped herself up into a sitting position, yawning loudly. She took a sip of her hot chocolate, now lukewarm, and blinked sleep out of her eyes as she watched the end credits roll on the TV.
“Did you sleep well, my love?” Caroline asked.
“Yes,” Leah replied, “thank you.”
Caroline was attuned to Leah’s changing moods, and could see that her granddaughter was not feeling herself. She reached over and took Leah’s hand, giving it a soft squeeze.
“It gets better.” Caroline said, comfortingly. “This pain will never go away, but it will get better.”
Leah turned to Caroline and assessed her grandmother’s kind face. She recognised the grief in her eyes.
“You lost someone,” she said. It was perhaps a question, but she spoke it as fact.
“Yes,” Caroline said, with a slow nod, “many years ago.”
“Who?” Leah moved closer to her.
“My first love.”
“You mean Granddad’s not your first love? How scandalous!”
They both laughed. Even when she was down, Leah always tried to lighten the mood. It was something that Caroline greatly admired her for.
Their laughter faded, and Leah watched Caroline’s face closely as she asked, “what happened to him?”
Caroline took a deep breath. It had happened many years ago now, but she hadn’t opened up about it for a very long time. The pain of losing him was still a dull ache. “He passed away from illness.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It happened years and years ago.” Caroline said, waving away her sympathy. “I will always miss him, and I will always love him. But I healed, little by little.”
Leah looked down. Caroline knew she was thinking of Harry’s car accident.
“I know the circumstances are very different,” she said, softly, “but I know all too well what you’re going through. You will also heal, little by little. The anger and grief will ebb, and you will be able to think about the time you shared together. It will be sad at first, I know, and sometimes very painful. But with time, you will be able to look back and be thankful for all those wonderful memories.”
Leah forced a smile and her loose grip on Caroline’s hand tightened.
“I hope you’re right. No, I know you’re right.”
“I always am.” Caroline joked, winking at her.
Leah looked back at her with a warm smile. Caroline knew it was a moment they would both cherish.
“Anyway, you have some explaining to do.” Leah said mischievously, changing the subject. “Who was your first love? I want to hear all about this mystery man.”
Leah moved to sit on the floor by Caroline’s legs, just as she used to when she was a little girl, waiting for storytime. Caroline couldn’t help but smile at her youthful curiosity.
“He was called Robert…”
And as the snow glistened outside, just like it did on the night they met, she told Leah all about times gone by.
